CLEAR CLUTTER TO CONNECT AUTHENTICALLY AND FIND INNER PEACE
My Reflection on Shame and Guilt to Lead & Live Well™
"Where's Pat?" our extended family would always ask at gatherings. Aunts, uncles and cousins have not seen him for decades. I'm pleased to share the photo of my dear and only brother, Patrick, with my parents. I am deeply grateful and proud of this man who had a tough life and recovered from drug addiction. I am grateful for my parents, Sam and Billie, who stood by and for him with unwavering and unconditional Love ALWAYS.
This holiday season is very special. He came out from his "cave" to be with my immediate family on Thanksgiving. He was engaged. He helped my mom with the turkey; he mowed the lawn for my dad. He wanted to be in the family photo and talk story. I felt his soul. It's been over 10 years since he joined us for a meal at the table.
Here's a true example of what I mean by Clear the Clutter in the mind and heart. Get in touch with your true feelings and make Peace within yourself and you'll find more Peace in relationships with others. As a Real Authentic Winner (RAW) Coach, I have to admit and face the truth that I was ashamed of Pat and felt guilty for not being a better sister. I ignored the real problem and masked it. I cannot change him. I can only change me. After processing my shame and guilt, I now see and appreciate Pat as he is. And as a result, good deeds and energy are flowing freely in our lives.
Shame and Guilt. Feelings that I masked, which then compounded into self-limiting beliefs that kept me from being the best I can be and in authentic relationship with my brother as well as with others. Can you relate?
My brother and I were so close when we were young. I felt responsible to protect and care for him. Then he got lost in his own world. I failed in taking care of him. As adults, it appeared like we were cordial but we became distant.
In doing inner work, I realized that I was unconsciously ashamed and did not want to be associated with him. And there's this Asian-influenced value passed down for generations: "No make the family shame. No lose face." Where else in my life do these feelings and old beliefs block me? If I cannot be compassionate and caring with my own brother, how can I be sincere and authentic with others? What happened?
Life happens. And over the years, painful, unwanted feelings get masked so much that we don't realize what it means to be authentic anymore. We should not mask these feelings. Look at them. Acknowledge then release them. We are human with full range of emotions that all serve a purpose. The process of unraveling the layers of emotions and beliefs takes time, patience, and unwavering commitment to face truths and improve.
And thankfully, we can make amends with Shame and Guilt through Gratitude and Forgiveness. By releasing self-limiting beliefs, we allow the truth and real energy of life and love flow in. It's LIBERATING! It's deep PEACE within.
I love my brother Patrick for who he is. A soft, gentle soul with a genius mind and genuine heart. I pray that we continue to heal and love, unconditionally and with no regrets.
I wish this deep inner Peace, Love and Joy for You and Your family as well.